I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
