just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
