I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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