Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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