so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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