Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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