So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize