Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
