Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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