I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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