her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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