My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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