the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
