I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
