We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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