I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
