Screwed.edu
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
My penis needs a shock collar
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
