I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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