she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
