it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
you made out with another girl for some wings
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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