Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Someone shattered a urinal.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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