and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize