I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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