you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
