Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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