I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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