I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
