Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you didnt know i had herpes?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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