but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
