Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
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