I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
