if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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