i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
