Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
