my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
