I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
How external is "for external use only"?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
