My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You made out with two different species that night
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
