Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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