Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
