alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
