Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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