I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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