Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
