I bet he comes in French.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i just google imaged poop.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
