are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
