walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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