i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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