Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize