I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
