I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
