We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
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