Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
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