Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
