Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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