I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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