AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
