my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just invented taco cereal.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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