Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
