he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
