She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
