my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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