hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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