I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
