Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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