smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
