Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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