This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
We are all done wearing pants today
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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