We won't sleep together?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
