maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
