The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize