So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
