Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Boobs speak an international language.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
