The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
i've created a new STD.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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