dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
