Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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