I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
