I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
