Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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