My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
