Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
