you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
