Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
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