don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
