Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
