im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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