Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Terrible idea I love it
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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