I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
people are starting to question the shark bite story
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
