1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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