he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
