I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize