I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
